Documentarian
From the Driver’s Seat
A Documentary
Being Seen - One Woman’s Journey With Trauma
AFTER 16 YEARS of living with intimate partner violence, on the edge of an abyss, with the twins; despair and disdain, In December of 2016, I went to the police. With the support of my six children and my friends, I gave a statement which resulted in my abuser being charged and eventually convicted.
At the trial, I remember seeing my abuser and not knowing what I was feeling. I remember my friend Hayley holding my left hand and my friend Lisa holding my right hand as I sat there in this surrealistic moment in my life wondering how I got there and how uncomfortable the bench was.
I remember reading my Victim Impact Statement. I was determined to get through it. Lisa was standing beside me, holding my hand as I faced the judge and spoke my words. I remember feeling Hayley watching me intently. A young woman bursting with adventure. She represented young women in my life; women I could impact. I remember feeling the warmth of her eyes as she sat, watching me and listening to my words.
I read. I paused. I cried. I could barely breathe. I stopped. I cried. I breathed. I continued. I got through it.
I realise now that was the beginning of me, actively trying to be seen. I realise now that Statement was about me, not him, because he would not hear my words. Ever.
I remember the prosecutor saying this is a significant win because it is rare to get a conviction on the first charge. I also successfully sued my abuser for damages. Another significant win because it is rare to do so and it sets a precedent for other women who have suffered permanent injuries at the hands of their abuser.
Since then, I have been journeying with PTSD and learning how to live with trauma. Learning how I got myself there in the first place. Learning how to break the cycle.
“From the Driver’s Seat” is based on poems I wrote while sitting in the driver’s seat of my car. When I returned home, at times, I would pull into the driveway and park, sitting there, not wanting to go into the house. In my email, I started writing poems.
“Being Seen” is the documentary based on those poems and my journey to find myself again.
Production has begun as my brother and I begin to plan a trip to Guyana, where we were born. 2024 marks our 50th anniversary in Canada. Our plan is to follow our Mum’s journey and sprinkle her ashes as we go.
For me, going back to the where it all started is a way to another beginning.
Our journey began in India, where one of our ancestors was taken from his mother as they journeyed to market. He was put on a slave ship to Guyana. There the two sides of our family tree would come together.
There was my beginning.
_______________________________
THE WOMEN WHO HOLD ME UP
ME. KATIA DEVI PERSAUD.
Mother. Daughter. Friend. Professor. Producer. Journalist. Documentarian. Antagonist. Disrupter. Creative. Responsive. Loving. Kind. Compassionate. Advocate. Wanna be Stand-Up Comic. Mama Bear.
mum. aruni persaud.
My Mum passed June of 2022. Mum was 80. My Mum was my biggest fan. We had a tenuous relationship. Mum taught me love and generosity. She is the most wildly interesting woman I have ever known; a woman ahead of her time. Mum encouraged me to be brave and even at 80, she was still actively parenting me. Forever grateful.
Nothing gold can stay.
ma (mataji). anita pooran.
My Grandmother passed in April of 1993. She was 75. Ma was graceful and gentle and had a silent strength about her. When I was a teenager, Ma wrote me once, scolding me for how I was treating my Mum. I miss her voice, the way she moved, her potato balls and iceblock.
